I have sewn and/or knat for like....................forever.
And this whole time, I've read posts on online boards, (Prodigy, anyone? Anyone?) where people have bemoaned the fact that their skills are unappreciated. People complained that their friends and coworkers just automatically assume the sewer/ knitter will make them socks, sweaters, quilts, whatever.
I have to confess, I scoffed. It seemed ridiculous. Just say no. Tell them you are too terribly busy and important to sew/knit for the likes of them.
In our house, we had the term "sock worthy." While I love my children beyond everything, I told them they were not sock worthy. I.E. they did not take care with their clothing items and I was not about to spend 10-20 hours knitting socks for them if they were not prepared to properly launder them. They have since become sock worthy. Whatever.
But I have to admit. I didn't get it when people complained about friends expecting them to craft for them.
But I do now.
I recently had a dear dear friend hand me a small pile of fabric to make a bag for her, and she also requested 2 slips and a dress and bought additional fabric for another bag.
Now I make 98% of my own clothing. And I have 9 children. Most of these want me to make clothing or accessories for them. So I have beaucoup sewing and knitting projects to fill all my "spare" time."
But I could not tell this friend no.
And the thing is, if I make myself lunch or a snack and one of the kids says, "Mom, can I have your leftovers?" I will make sure that I don't eat it all. I will make sure there are leftovers for this person to have. I nursed my children until they were 16. Okay. Not 16, but into toddlerhood. I nursed them until I wanted to scream,"Please just leave my body alone, do not touch me I need my space." I have shared my body, my food, my sleeping time, my privacy, my inner thoughts, my alone time. It was not always easy, but it is what I feel I, as a mother, should do. I let go any discomfort or whininess. It's not all about me.
But sewing and knitting is the ONE THING I have have given my self permission to be selfish about.
I would feel guilty about not sharing food or time or whatever. But I can sew or knit 5000 items in one year and even if every one of them is for me, it's okay. I don't need to feel guilty for being selfish about that. It's a rule that I CAN be selfish. So it's fine. The rule says that selfishness is fine and acceptable.
Now I do often choose to sew or knit for my DH or my kids. But it's MY choice. I choose the timing, the project, the materials. It's my thing so it's okay.
But during one 28 hour visit, I was given (assigned) five projects. Five. F I V E. I couldn't believe it. I felt like a sucker, a patsy. How did this happen?
First of all, this a friend that I have had for 30 years. Yes, 30. And she was so sweet. And so positive that of course I would want to make these for her. Now, understand, I am not including the other things, like pajamas for her son and things we did not buy materials for. We probably casually discussed 2 or 3 more projects.
But when someone plops fabric in my hands and says, I know this is presumptuous of me, but would you make me (fill in the blank), it really is NOT easy to say, "No, I really don't have time to make this. I know you have already purchased the fabric and you are my oldest dearest friend but I can't let your monetary investment influence me." Or "No, I don't like other people to set my personal agenda. I will choose my projects. Nuff said."
Nevermind that I do have 9 children, 8 of them still living at home and we homeschool and I have a very, very, VERY full schedule.
I feel so stupid to have gotten trapped this way. And I do feel trapped.
Near strangers, casual aquaintences, I have no problem turning down. And I do suck it up and do the occasional project for a friend. But it is so freaking hard when a very close friend hands me dozens (and dozens) of hours of work with the expectation that I am happy clappy to do it for them.
Arg.
If this wasn't a skill anybody could do it.
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